Morning

All! Hope you're all good and thaaat. I'm writing this from my living room as I prepare to draw up a schedule for the coming weeks and months. Because I've rejoined the unemployed massive!*doesn't punch the air in celebration* The only real positives to be derived from this are:

- I can give you all much more music between now and next spring, aand

- Truth Hurts will be out sooner than soon, being as I've got fuck all else to do but promote it and then bring it out!

Had an encouraging chat with Sean D of UGM yesterday regarding the mastering; by the sounds of things all's going well with that, and I'll be visiting tomorrow to hear the progress for myself. You can expect an official release date once the mastering's complete, and I'm led to believe that that's no more than a week or so away. Is it worth the wait? Unquestionably yes. Have I said that before? Yes, quite a few times. Do I care that I'm repeating myself? Fuck no.

There was a lot of grime going on last week, and illness prevented me from updating you all with my movements.Last Monday we had the MOG Mayhem set which fully lived up to its moniker, featuring Nico Lindsay, myself, Rockz, Avalanche, Krason and Darkos on mike, and DJ Scope providing the live mix. Shouts to V, Mz AG (haha), Hij, Joell, and Jack Daniels in the place, and TJ of ADHD TV providing the visual recording, which you should look out for in the coming days. Wednesday saw me down at Ard TV with a bag of MCs and Fewie on the 1s and 2s. Total hype ting lyricallll. Big shout to everyone involved in that one and all, that was a lot, though I fear it may have contributed to my feeling so fucked up for the past week or so. Never mind though. Grime over everything.

ENJOY THAT SPIN FUCKOS?

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SOUR GRAPES MUCH MATE?

It starts here! Truth Hurts starts here!

Yeah, I've been holding off blogging for a bit, just to make sure I got over the finishing line with this Truth Hurts project. Now, not only is everything recorded, the first promotional video's here and ready for your listening and viewing pleasure! Get that one in right this fucking second!





Now you all see why I've been gassing up the place with regard to Truth Hurts. It's a strong, strong debut mix CD, I promise you. Look out for that when it lands, and check back HERE for FIRST NEWS of the OFFICIAL RELEASE DATE, which I'll have for you all in the next few days.

Watch how I ease through the promotional gears. Jump on and get involved, you'll not regret it.

NAH I'M SORRY SAKDFJGNBWUERBF

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

It's almost here!!!!!

You know when something's so close that it's faintly brushing your nose?

That innit.

Were it not for the mysterious phlegmy illness my friend's contracted, Truth Hurts would be a wrap. As it is we're now one skit away from completion! Please don't let me hear anyone say "Fuck the skit, just bring it out now mate"; you can't rush excellence yeah. Thanks.

Now, Truth Hurts might not actually be wrapped, but all the tunes are now completed so that was more than enough excuse to do a gassed-up freestyle to show the levs. If you've not already heard it you need to stop reading this and click that link NOW. If you're somebody who's already heard the riddim, again, STOP reading and LISTEN AGAIN. GET IT IN, GET IT IN, GET IT IN etc.

P.S. I can see the talk about the "new wave" of grime doing the rounds; all's I'll say is, you ignore me at your peril. Hold tight everyone who knew wha gwan years ago though. 'Cos it is that.

Hypnotize E.P. launch party

Yeah, you'll catch me down at the Old Blue Last tomorrow getting drunk off my tits. Whether that's before or after I touch mike I don't know, BUT I'm led to believe this time Danny D will join us to make it almost a full Alien Muzik team attendance. All we need now is for Nutcase to finish his time behind the door and it's a lot dot co dot uk for grime. Still though it should be a big night, it's more a thing of who ISN'T rolling as opposed to who is. And I'm hardly gonna miss a night like this when it's bang in the manor like this one is. Here's hoping everyone on the flyer shows up eh? :)


***EDIT*** THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR NOT TURNING UP, ENTRY'S FREE ALL NIGHT. UNLESS YOU'RE HAVING SEX ALL NIGHT WITH SOME HOTTIE. THAT'S AN EXCUSE I CAN ACCEPT

Nearing completion

I'll give you one guess as to where I was yesterday afternoon.

................incorrect, I'm actually going ice skating the next time Arsenal play Tottenham, but I wasn't at Lea Valley yesterday.

No no, I was back behind a condenser mic going in over a remove-your-facial Kaychi production, ably assisted by my Alien affiliates Marger and Rival. End product? What do you think? Look out for that one on Truth Hurts, it's massive, I've been battering the rough copy I took out of the studio. In fact it's playing in my ears as I type this. Whee. I'm now two collab tracks and an additional verse away from finishing Truth Hurts; I know it's been taking ages, and that's because as I mentioned yesterday, it's slyly turned into a mixtape. And anyway it's well worth the wait so *thumbs up* bear with us yeah. Sweet.

Have to give a big shout out to everyone sending me positive feedback on my GrimeForum freestyle, it's always appreciated and spurs me on to do more work so saaaaaaafe. If you've not got your ear round that one yet, allow me to point you downwards towards my last blog entry, which includes the audio *points downwards* enjoy!

One last thing. Not been the best of weeks for Joe Cole has it. Firstly he gets deservedly dismissed on Sunday, then it starts getting peak for him off the field as well.

Wouldn't have happened if you'd insisted on joining Arsenal mate.

*crying*

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL WHY DO I MISS THESE THINGS???

Finishing touches

Wait, before I start anything, HOLD TIGHT TOTTENHAM YOU FUCKING SHIT WANKWOPS, YOU'RE GOING OUT NEXT WEEK!

*clears throat* So I was in the studio yesterday knocking out some bits for Truth Hurts which, having started off as an E.P., is kind of turning into a mixtape. Which is okay because all the tunes are stupid in the face/thought provoking/all that shit, so you're getting more value for your shekels when you cop that anyway.

Anyway! I'm back in today! This time with all the frontline Alien MCs (that's Marger, Deathstar and Rival for those of you who've only just yanked your heads out of the sand) and it'll be a familiar tale. Once this one's in there'll be two tunes remaining and then the promotional trail will go into full swing, which I'm bloody excited about I must say. I'm pretty sure if you love GRIME you're going to rate Truth Hurts VERY HIGHLY INDEED. That's how much I'm putting into it. Gonna be well worth the wait.

What's that? You want evidence? Weeelllll, I did a couple of separate non-E.P. bits yesterday, incluuuding this little freestyle for Grimeforum. I'm led to believe that there'll be a compilation release including my one, but if you want to hear it just press 'play' down there mate!


Kwam - Tear Down Freestyle [Produced by Sketch'E] by Sketch'E


That's how we do it. TRUTHHURTSCOMINGREALSOON!

Restart of the Cold War?

If this is anything to go by, it would seem that were the case. At least, that's what the old boy's club at MI5 seems to think. In the current climate I'd advise everybody to watch their thighs vigilantly, and refrain from entering into conversation with anybody who looks like these two. We don't want any accidents.

Moving on! The next few days are all about GRIME WORK! I'm in the studio today, tomorrow and possibly even Thursday and Friday, and while that'll mean I'll have to wait till Saturday to get rid of this fucking badger on my top lip, what it DOES mean is that I'll be able to send ALL the tunes for TRUTH HURTS away for mastering, and we'll be off and away on that one. I'm also in the process of organising a photo shoot for the purpose of promoting the release, so be sure to keep your eyes open for some shots of yours truly by a skip trying to look deep and meaningful. Or something.

And hang tight RIVAL as well, he had been bickering online last week but clearly something switched on in his brain, because he went away. Recorded a freestyle. Sent it to Logan. Who then played it. And almost made me smash my laptop to smithereens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you missed it (you suck if you missed it! You suck!) run over here and get that in immediately, the tune is 100% grimeurghdisgustingbutters. No shitchat.

Aight boom *claps hands together* that's your lot for now, I've got an appointment with a cuppa in the office. Heazy!

Woopsiebollocks

Oooooops mate. Something of a rick there eh?

......biddavafuckup all things considered.

Clearly thought he was still on set and in character. Hey, it happens to the best of us.

Somebody slap me!

LOL jk, if you slap me you'd better be my height and build mate.

But listen, Avalanch is back after his mixtape "No Invititation" with a free promotional offering called "Somebody Slap Me", which is pretty much a straight collab with Relentless, who provided all the beats for the release (you'll hear one or two of his bits on Truth Hurts as well, he's something of a not-that-secret weapon). Download that here, it's a decent release still.

Anyway *puts on market stall apron* what's 'appnin? Good weekend yeah? Mine was pretty good still, especially yesterday afternoon, although I'm currently trawling the net trying to find Manuel Alfuckingmunia's address so I can roll to his gaff and do my best to make him want to leave the Arsenal, the fucker. He just loves getting beaten at his near post doesn't he? Any David Eggnog and you let him score and think he's good, you shitta! ¬¬

But then Reina's rick was bloody classic wdgjeruigheurwghwierugh cheers pal, everyone's a winner! Your £5K stake on the score draw went in, and we didn't lose; saaaaaaaaaaafe! :D

*re-adjusts gassed hat* That's the sort of test that'll make us champions come next May, mark my words, this, THIS, is Arsenal's year again. All the signs are there *what signs mate* *don't question man ¬¬* that this is the year where we'll come again as a force to be reckoned with in English and, for that matter, world football. Watch.

inothernewstottenhamareshit

YOU SUCK

Is this how devoid of compassion some humans have become? I'm flabbergasted.

This hospital needs to sort itself out. Pronto-ish too. Idiots.

Hold on, you've got a queen and you can't even treat her properly? I know this great place guys, it's called Archway, got a lovely bridge there, nice and high, if you could all just attach an anvil to your arms and throw yourselves off the bridge we'd all be made up YOU WASTEBOXES.

.............they suck man

There really is! I'm just too cool for shcool

*provides evidence* *folds arms* Told you.

Check this story out as well, ha ha *inb4thefamiliaryankjokesresurface*

Silly sausages!

Boo boop, boo boop (F**k Urban FM :D)

Boopboopboopboopboop etc. What's 'appnin? Sweet?

Pretty sad tale this. My thoughts and condolences are with his family and friends.

Moving on, I experienced something of a long evening yesterday ¬¬ furthermore, I'll tell you the story of yesterday's "Urban Tales".

I get to Barbican station. There's no Hammersmith & City line service between Edgware Road and Hammersmith. Okay. I take the train to Bank instead of Liverpool Street, then endure lengthy walk from Northern line platform to Central line platform.

.....okay.

I sit on a packed, sweltering Central line train for 23 minutes. Walk somewhat shakily out of Shepherd's Bush station. And promptly notice to my consternation that the bus I need to get's pulling away from the station stop. Okay! So I start tearing up the road to the next stop, screeching to a halt at said stop seconds before the bus pulls into it (get in) only problem is I'm now hot and bothered AND THEN AT SHEPHERD'S BUSH MARKET ABOUT A BAJILLION PEOPLE GET ON THE BUS DAIFJGHEFIH so now I'm standing there in this bloody bus with the sweat pouring off and people treading on my toes and elbowing my ribs.

......................................................................ok

The bus takes around a month to make what should be a 15-minute journey before it finally spits me out at my destination. Okay, I'm thinking. That was a shit journey, I'm thinking. But don't watch that I'm thinking. At least I'll be able to give this set a good merk, I'M THINKING

...............(-_(-_-)_-) *my mates and I pulling incredulous faces*

After a shit journey in the rain, all I want is to be able to come in and MC without worrying about the mike lead fucking up or whether the CDJs are going to play silly buggers. Well you can take out the "or" in that last sentence and replace it with "and" because the gremlins were out in full fucking force last night. And that cunt manager of the station even had the cheek to come and interrupt our set to collect his fiver subs. What, do you think I'm going to run away mate? Yeah? So I must look like one of these snotty-nosed little kid MCs I keep seeing online right? One of those guys who would do anything to avoid paying £5 subs because I don't have a salary? Fucking wrong you ugly bastard. Sort your fucking studio out you shitta, making me drag my skin across London for that. Load of shit. Fucker. Try bring his dog in the room on some intimidation tip, fuck your fucking dog and fuck fucking Urban FM with a broken Supermalt bottle.

Awful news

I've pretty much been in shock since yesterday evening. Can't believe it.

R.I.P. Smokey.

I've not seen him for around 2 years but nevertheless. I shouldn't be receiving news of his loss. Not like that. It's a genuine tragedy for everyone who knew him, however faintly, and my thoughts and best wishes are with all of his close friends and family at this difficult time.

From what I knew of Smokey, I can say that he was a genuinely good person. Rest in peace.

Back on the other side

What's 'appnin?! Been a wee while since I've updated here, you can blame Messrs Courvoisier, E+J, Malibu, Disaronno, Stella Artois, Kronenbourg and Tiger for that.

All now my liver's refusing to talk to me =( keep trying to bell him up but he's airing out all my calls, the little f**ker.

Aaanyway what's new in my world? Well Pulse did another of his arty-farty guitar remixes, and I reckon this may be his best one yet:





And check my pal Nico on the blog feature here. Big face all over the ting. Big up. I feel as if I'm going to have to get in contact once my E.P. promotion trail starts.....

.....which could be as early as next week, my plan at present is to be in the studio on Wednesday wrapping up the last couple of collab tunes, and I should be good to go. Which is good. I'm looking forward to putting it out there, and believe me when I say you should be looking forward to it. If you don't believe me ask Nico, he'll tell you what the levs are saying.

So that's that for now, I'm going to spend the next few hours kicking around doing a biddabidda this and a biddabidda that, have you got something to get on with this week? Get that in!

Let's go get those doubting b*****s together eh?! *Braveheart face*

Is that how you're going on son?

This guy has gone from being a joker in the church I used to go to, to being a bloody great footballing prospect. Brilliant effort, well proud of him. He'd better select Ghana though ¬¬

This week belongs to me

Not just Thursday. I'm claiming the whole of this week yeah? Schweet.

Anyway how was your weekend? *Family Guy Stewie voice* Good? Feel relaxed? Ready to tackle the next 7 days head-on? Gonna get that novel finished? You know, the one you've been working on for a while?

....yeah course you are *winks and gives thumbs up signal*

Check this out by the way, this was a pretty good way to round off what was very much a GRIME week this week just gone. Big up Pulse every time, some musically multi-faceted motherf**ker (did. You. Clock. That. ALLITERATION! I'm a f**king genius!)

Right that's your lot for now, I've got a newsletter to finish. Safe. Don't forget this is my week, not yours, you can have any of the remaining 19 or so weeks after this one. Nice one.

Epic

epic. Epic. EPIC.

"Surpassing the usual or ordinary, especially in scope or size"

Yeah that pretty much describes Wednesday night down at the Alibi. It was the kind of night that made me realise I have to get out of my house more; I'm not gonna lie, if I hadn't been due to spit, I probably wouldn't have reached. And I would have missed D Double, Hyper and Footsie MCing and Mak 10 and Spyro DJing, all at the same time.

Does it sound like a throwback? F**k yeah. Sick sick sick sick ssiicckkAAAAAAAA it was. Furthermore when I think about it I don't remember hearing a shit MC all night. And on a personal level, to be a part of something like that, an event like that, something people'll be talking about for a good while, is bloody brilliant. Yeah I know I sounded like Michael Owen or some other deadcake footballer just then, but I'm just telling the truth innit. Big up everyone who reached, everyone who spat, everyone who vibesed to GRIME. The scene can rarely have been in better nick if you ask me.

Here's some footage from the night:







You can also get the full audio from our set HERE. Epic shiznit.

....WE JUST JAM!

..........yeah I mostly posted this so I don't have to go on YouTube and waste an extra Usain Bolt searching for it :D iauwerqirwgh3qgr9qgerogwergooeiwrjhw4jtuw what a tune.

Oh yeah Usain Bolt = 9.58 seconds, get me? Sweet.

What else is happening? Er, wojjamean what else is happening?! Hold on *trees uproot seemingly of their own accord, windows rattle, car alarms go off*

....we're at JUSTTTT JAAAMMMMM tonight *cue ear-shattering explosion, buildings cave in, plane falls out of sky*

KWAM MC! THAT'S ME! *explosion*
RIVAL MC! ALIEN REPRESENTATIVE! *car crash*
MONEY MARGER! ALIEN SOLDIER! *train derailment*
RUDE KID! BEATS BETTER THAN YOUR MUM'S CHICKEN CASSEROLE! ON DECK! *fairground ride comes free from moorings and careers through the park*

I can assure you it's going to be a lot of stuff, I'm not even gonna speak for them man because they always go in over grime, but watch tonight, watch. You'll see. And there's no excuse for not reaching if you're grime, ENTRY'S FREE ALL NIGHT LONG. So GET. IT. IN!

Back on the other side

Yeah.

Sat in work. Feel like the proverbial wrung dishcloth. I blame Esskay for adding an hour and a half to my bedtime with the tunes he showed me.

Flipping amazing grime. Big up you son.

So what now then? Well, as we enter another week, I'll start by asking whether anyone who was watching yesterday's German grand prix felt similarly short-changed by Ferrari's antics. Or maybe it was their post-race denial of any wrongdoing which ground your gears the most; it was like "yeah, you think you saw and heard a thinly-veiled team order but don't worry, it was all a dream racewatchers!"

....mug me off.

Another significant bit of news is this Wednesday you'll see me tearing it down at everyone's fave new grime night JUST JAM. JUST JAM.

JJJJJUUUUUSSSSSTTTTT JJJJJAAAAAMMMMM *plane crash-lands into Thames, Tower Bridge bursts into flames*

Yeah, if you're in the manor this Wednesday, you'll want to make sure you get down there if you're GRIME. Entry = £0.00!

Let's get this week kick-started then! *no more wrung dishcloth feeling*

New-fangled nonsense

I'm young but I ain't a whippersnapper, I'll tell you that for nothing.

And my sausage fingers couldn't be much less suitable for this swanky touchscreen malarky.

Still, it's probably for the best that I stopped being such a scared ostrich and finally pulled my head out of the sand technology-wise. Hi guys. S'not that bad here all things considered :)

Okay you're kidding me yeah?

Disgusting.

*shakes head*

This really is a shame. Disgusting almost.

Any haters. Might even be a tinge of racism about it as well if you ask me.

It just goes to reiterate that you'll find badminded people in all walks of life.

A spot of lyrical exercise

Pretty much 3 weeks after we did this, here it is. BIG UP LEEMAN (watch for his CD on the roads soon) and BIG UP NICO. If you're grime or rap you'll enjoy this one, we went all out still. Gerriddinnnnnnnnnn

*shocked face*

Caught this story on the BBC London news yesterday evening and yeah.

Jaw-dropper.

What a f**king tosser, what. Kind of. Foolishnessisthis?

And it does kind of beg the question; do you intervene when someone's doing something slightly anti-social?

Personally things like people tapping beer bottles on benches doesn't particularly grind my gears, I'd just blow my vuvuzela at the offending bottle-tapper.

My question is, which one of you would intervene if you'd seen the guy smack the poor young lady in the face?

Three things...

ONE.

Are you being serious?

Isn't that the amount he should have been rewarded?

TWO.

Oh come on!!!!!!!!!!

OH! COME! ON!!!!!!!!!!! For f**k's sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THREE.

*looks online for Raymond van Barneveld wall posters*

Look what the scum went and did now

As if the place isn't a hole already. Now they went and made this announcement which, should Arsenal emulate it, will quite possibly result in my becoming an avid Raymond van Barneveld follower instead of a Gooner. Say hello to Raymond van Barneveld by the way :D

...but I digress.

To be fair it's probably best that Tottenham Shitspur have taken that course of action anyway. The amount of hot air you get out of their fans, they'd probably raze their stadium to the ground blowing them anyway.

*shocked face*

*Rude Kid voice* SSSEEXUAAAALLL!!!!

Yes, it most certainly did come to this

Call it some sort of I dunno. Visual rant or something.

It's amazing

No no really it is.

Suddenly it's become wholly acceptable to bandy the N word about like it has no historical relevance.

Which N word? Numpty? Northampton?

.......Neutered?

No you noob (not that one either), THIS flipping N word.

While you're reading the definition of said word, I implore you to click on the word 'pejorative', brilliant word, telling definition. Also consider the sentence within said definition which reads "It is a common RACIAL SLUR."

Again, fairly telling.

......These times us idiot black folk (myself included until fairly recently) have been going around giving it all n*gga this and n*gga that, so much so that Justin fucking Bieber thinks it's okay to say of Giggs' album: "That n*gga's shit is hard!" Apparently this is okay because Usher says it's okay to use the word.

Cheers mate. Thanks a fucking bunch. Now we've got millions of white people all over the world laughing at us, saying "Those n*ggers are so fucking dumb they even call themselves n*ggers!"

*chortles disbelievingly to self*

Do me a favour and don't p*ss me off please. Thanks

I was watching the weather this morning on the Beeb, as you do, and just as I was reaching around the back of my telly to turn it off this....er....bundle of joy (let's have it right, where would the word "little" fit in the description) appeared on the screen to promote a debate which I fear will end in an absolute travesty of a governmental decision, much like those seen in Belgium and France. For those of you unsure of what I'm blathering on about, read this.

I think this latest piece of news is particularly worrying because, in a world where paranoia regarding Islam seems to be stoked up by the media, I struggle to see how a frenzy won't be whipped up here in Britain on the subject, and then it won't be about liberating Muslim women, but rather "stopping suicide bombers" or some such similar shite. Not to mention the fact that, as far as I'm aware, this is supposed to be a land where citizens are allowed freedom of movement, speech, thought and expression.

If you ask me, a clamour to ban the burqa in Britain can, and will, only result in the continuation of the type of fear and mistrust of other fellow human beings that led to events like slavery, apartheid, colonization, et bloody cetera.

Worthy.

Yes, very worthy indeed. I liked the original by that flavour of the moment, Tinie Tempah (kein Homo), and this is a very cool remix I must say. Check it out.

While I'm at it, get this in and all. Not many northern MCs do it for me, but this guy's pretty good at grime still. Listerrrrn.

0OIDFHIWERTHUW4TH9W4TH

Forget that last post.

THIS is the real creme ting ahahahahhaahhahahahahahahhahahahahaha (genuine laughter)

How can she make me leap out of my seat, fling my headphones off and run around the office!

Not my own home!!!!!!! My f**king office!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No words. Just none.

This is so bad it's unbelieveable to be quite honest with you.

*quick edit* Hold on....she's got "friends" in the video....why have they not prevented that going that far please?

..................and people say grime's shit.

I'm probably fighting a losing battle here, but

the proof's in the pudding.

By the way.....

I MC. And I'm aware that there are those of you who weren't aware that I MC, but that's okay, I've been a little quiet for a little while. I didn't do much last year apart from this, and I'll be going into some detail about the reasons why on my next release, which you can preview here.

....I dunno I just wanted people to remember I MC innit, and I've been doing it for more than a minute. When I think about it, I'm slyly all over the gaff mate, I've been trying to step the pace up this year, and I've got more in store than a Netto warehouse bruv.

But let me not gas up the things, I'll just, you know, let the new stuff do that. All's I'll say is, I don't often hear people giving out tunes like this free of charge in the grime scene.

*and I wouldn't have had it not been for extenuating circumstances; if you know me ask me what I'm on about*

Just keep your eyes and minds open to my stuff please. You'll not regret it.

Banter

They say laughter's the best medicine, so if that's the case I reckon I vaccinated myself for the next 4 years last night playing poker. It's always nice to win some shekels off your mate while slaughtering him at the same time.

Always nice.

So as I sit here at my desk pretending to have a far deeper understanding of golf than I actually do, I'm moved to extol the glorious nature of a good bit of BANTER (also known as "bants"). Really good banter can have you burrowing into the corner of a sofa with tears running down your face, all the while struggling for air (like when Mum/Dad would bring out the wooden spoon many moons ago), and when we get together to play cards.....Boy. Bare pars bruv. Shots flying everywhere and that, trust me. How can a man say to another man "You look like a retired G.I. Joe" ubfget78347hy65irtnhjdrghiifdth

disfjgnwerth894608ue59ujhtrjhesr *does 360 spin in swivel chair cackling at the memory*

Oh my life. Wow. It's that laughter that almost paralyses your whole body when the banter starts, that's what it's all about I tell thee. I reckon I'm going to be in a good mood for days as a result. Can't beat bants.

*confused*

Correct me if I'm wrong right, but I'm sure one fox in Hackney went into somebody's gaff and had a go at two baby girls' faces?

That happened right?

So now I see THIS in the news just now. Yeah, so my initial reaction was "??????????????"

Half an hour later guess what I'm thinking. Correct. Same number of question marks and everything.

Imagine if the same creature you've now waded into the sea to rescue or whatever now comes to your gaff 4 months down the line and starts trying to go for your face? Kwasia sem!

GRIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I won't be there sadly, but there'll be more than enough lyrical artillery to make up for that tonight at JUST JAM. A word from Merky Ace:

MerkyACE

http://twitpic.com/25696p - Just jam 2night. Free Entry. Be dere or be a wash man. #Grime

GRIME. ZAP. KAPOW. NNNEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWWW *bombs explode, car bonnets fly into air*

F**king Formspring

Nah d'you know what that post title's a little misleading.

Because people aren't trying to beat Formspring, they're using it to transform themselves from scared little lambs into omnipotent behemoths. Judging by some of the bravery in some of the questions I get asked through Formspring anyway (think I'm exaggerating? Look then).

Now my question is: what's the point? Not "what's the point?" as in "what's the point?" yeah, but *stay with me, stay with me* more "You're not going to actually see my facial reaction when I read whatever BS you've written to me, so you're angling for a response you ain't even gonna see mate."

That sort of "what's the point" still. But don't get me wrong, I think Formspring is a relevant tool, and quite a fun one too. As you'll see, there ARE some questions on there which HAVE made me think a bit, and there ARE *i like repetition, just..stay with me* some questions which HAVE made me laugh a lot too. Meh, I guess like much in life Formspring = what you make it innit.

Just don't make it turn you from a pussio to a superhero, that's all I ask. Fin.

A mid-morning LOLworthy news post

OOPS. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10611973. OOPS. OOPS *chuckles smugly* only in Australia eh? Eh?

*well it's not gonna happen here is it, imagine running into a crocodile in Epping Forest*

BAH.

Do you know what I would do if I was an Arsenal player on international duty and my fellow jubilant World Cup-winning team-mates from Barcelona tried to pull their club shirt over my head?

*hint: I wouldn't f**king do this > http://www.caughtoffside.com/2010/07/13/arsenal-skipper-cesc-fabregas-wears-barcelona-shirt-during-spain-celebration-pic-video/*

...."What could you do if you were in that situation?" I hear you muse. I could describe it in words but I know visual examples are the zeitgeist, so in light of that > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgtvwnCoX-Q&has_verified=1 < captures it perfectly, Beastie Boys soundtrack included. I mean WHAT A HARLOT! I'm sorry, I don't want to hear "oh well they forced it over his head" "there were two of them, he couldn't get away" "you can tell he was uncomfortable" NO, NO, NO, F**K OFF. Do you think any of the '04 Immortals would be seen dead in that rag? Think Nigel Winterburn or Martin Keown or even Jens flipping Lehmann would ever allow themselves to be pictured in Barcelona's colours while under contract at Arsenal? *wipes brow*

*goes to the window. Looks out. Mutters something intelligible under breath* *returns*

Look, it's a treacherous act, no two ways about it. To pose in the club colours of a club who've made no secret of the fact that they're chasing you, no matter how uncomfortable you may have felt, stinks of betrayal. I'll go on record now as saying if Cesc Slagbregas stays (and I very very very much hope he pisses off and we get 40-50 million quid) he'll have to single-handedly win Arsenal every trophy in sight before I even crack a smile at the mention of his name.

You can take your modern-day player power and stick it right up your *Blue Peter theme music interjects*